I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
