I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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