somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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