Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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