It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
