We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
false alarm, still single
Randomize
