I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
