let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
