Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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