He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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