Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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