I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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