she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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