And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
