I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
