We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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