Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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