I feel like abortions should bother me more
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
