pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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