why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
