My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
