my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
