Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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