It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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