she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
