I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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