I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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