STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize