After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize