Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
