Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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