i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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