What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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