so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize