How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the day after is always just damage control
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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