you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
