remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
