You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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