I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
