Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
