trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
