I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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