she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am one with the molecules
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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