Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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