dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
