So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
