dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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