Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My vagina is officially offended.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
