He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
