She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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