Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
