So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
