Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize