what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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