she was so not down for the gang bang
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
