In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
