Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
