just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
