well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
