This is not my ceiling
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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