I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
