Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize