Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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