Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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